Actors:
Issac (Ike) - Woody Allen
Mary - Diane Keaton
Dennis - Michael O'Donoghue
Polly - Tisa Farrow
Script:
(get the full script of Manhattan here)
IKE Ha-has anybody read that the Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey, you know? (Helen and Polly shake their heads no) I read this in the newspaper. (Waving his fist) We should go down there, get some guys together, you know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to 'em.
JERRY There was this devastating satirical piece on that on the Op-Ed page of the Times. It was devastating.
IKE W-e-e-ell, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point down there.
HELEN (Overlapping) Oh, but really biting satire is always better than physical force.
IKE But true physical force is always better with Nazis, uh ... because it's hard to satirize a guy with, uh, shiny boots on.
HELEN Oh, you get emotional, I know, but— DENNIS (Interrupting) Excuse me—
IKE (Nodding) It's—it's all right.
DENNIS (Overlapping) —we were talking about orgasms.
MARY (Chuckling, reacting) Oh, no, please wait, no.
IKE (Overlapping) Oh, really? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—
DENNIS (Interrupting) Really?
MARY (Overlapping) Give me a break, Dennis.
DENNIS (Defensively) Well, we were.
MARY No, I'm from Philadelphia. We never talk about things like that in public.
IKE (Chuckling) Yeah, you said that the other day.
DENNIS I'm, uh—
IKE (Interrupting, to Mary) I didn't know what the hell it meant then, either.
DENNIS I'm just about to direct a film—
IKE (Interrupting) Ah-ha.
DENNIS —uh, of my own script and, um ... the premise is: This guy screws so great—
IKE (Interrupting) Screws so great?
DENNIS —screws so great that when ... he brings a woman to orgasm, she's so fulfilled . . . that she dies, right? Now, this one . . . (Looking at Mary) excuse me, finds this hostile.
MARY (Shaking her head) This one? Hostile . . . God, it's worse than hostile. It's aggressive-homicidal.
DENNIS I beg your—
IKE (Interrupting, reacting) She dies?
MARY (To Ike, laughing nervously) You-you-you have to forgive Dennis.
DENNIS (Musing over everyone's reactions) He might not.
MARY He's Harvard direct to Beverly Hills.
IKE (To Dennis) Is that where you're from?
DENNIS (Nodding) Yeah.
MARY It's, uh——
IKE (Interrupting, incredulous) Is that where you're from? MARY It's Theodor Reik with a touch of Charles Manson.
DENNIS (Nodding) Yeah, right.
POLLY (Speaking for the first time) I.. . uh, I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.
There is a slight pause while everyone digests Polly's words.
IKE (To Polly, breaking the pause) Tsch. Did you have the wrong kind? Oh, really? I've never had the wrong kind—
POLLY (Interrupting, shrugging) Yes?
IKE —ever, never. Uh, my worst one was right on the money.